Looking for advice on how to get over someone you love after a breakup? Below is the advice from an expert. Check it out today!
As a psychological counselor, I often teach the topic of how to get over someone you love. And I often relieve heartbroken people and cry late at night because of the loss of their loved ones.
In the past few years, I have been diligently improving my comforting skills while observing how people around me can cheer up faster from breakups.
In this post, you will learn 2 behaviors that will aggravate your pain, and 3 important tips that can help you quickly get out of it. Hope this can help you.
How To Get Over Someone You Love After A Breakup
1. Never indulge yourself
This kind of plot will appear in many movies. The male or female lead has a hangover all night after falling out of love or seeks an affair to forget the old love.
But in fact, this kind of behavior will backfire you.
A hangover can make you escape for a while, but it is often more painful when you are awake, so you have to seek another hangover, which leads to a vicious circle;
Aventure not only can let you forget your ex, but it will also make you more regretful afterward.
If you indulge yourself when your heart is broken, you may not forgive yourself in the future.
2. Never Excessively self-blame
The person you lost is the person you once thought would spend your life together,
But you didn’t expect him to leave so abruptly, and only left one indifferent word: You are too bad, I will not like you again.
So you fall into shame, self-doubt, blame yourself, hate yourself in the middle of the night,
Then keep thinking about:
If I could do that at the time, if I didn’t say that at the time, maybe he would not leave me.
I was wrong. That’s why I lost the person who has always loved me.
This kind of thinking is like an emotional black hole that makes your life stagnate.
In fact, in most relationships, there is no inevitable right and wrong separation. Often, one person is immature, and the other person is not mature enough to accept the other person’s immaturity.
Moreover, the breakup reason that he finally said is often not the real reason, but a wording.
So don’t punish yourself with this language anymore,
Stop assuming that if you change a factor, the relationship will last forever.
How To Get Over Someone You Love Fast
The way to deal with emotions is always to face directly, vent, and channel. Any behavior that deliberately avoids or suppresses emotions will lead to the next round of outbreaks and collapses.
If you want to let go of your frustration, the first thing to do is not pretend that you don’t care, but to vent your emotions to a large extent. Whether it is to close yourself or cry out loud, these actions are all to soothe your negative emotions and weaken your negative emotions—the role of reinforcement.
This stage usually lasts for one to five days. In the past consultations for the healing of broken relationships, the most important thing is companionship-if any counselor picks up a case of a broken relationship, he will be woken up by the phone at two or three in the morning and listen to the other party crying. It is simply the norm.
Therefore, if the fact of being broken in love now makes you very miserable, then you can find a close friend and ask her to accompany you for at least two or three days. During this period, she does not need to comfort you or give you advice. Just be a company.
Because you know the truth, she can’t experience emotions, so what she can do is to ensure that you maintain the minimum rationality during this most painful time and don’t do things that hurt yourself and others because of impulse.
First of all, we need to re-anchor-we to re-anchor the things we come into contact with every day that may produce related associations to think of different memories.
Many pains come from those familiar scenes: passing by the supermarket where you used to go shopping with him and seeing the movies you watched together on the sofa.
To get rid of this kind of remnant thought is to re-anchor, find a person or thing that impresses you enough, and re-change the anchored object that triggers your association scene.
The simplest example is that many girls will take their girlfriends to eat and go shopping every day after a breakup. Gradually, they are getting better-because she saw the food and shopping malls and thought of the days when her boyfriend was with him. After a few days of shopping, however, when she sees news about food or new clothes, the association will become whether she wants to ask her girlfriend to try it out.
This is why I emphasize that you must participate in social interactions after falling out of love. Solitary hobbies, such as listening to music and painting, eliminate external interference; and group activities such as gatherings and ballroom dancing will always have new sources of interference interrupting you, so you don’t have time to think of your ex-boyfriend.
How To Get Over Someone You Love So Much
5. Outward Attribution
Losing love means that two people are not suitable at all. Some people are even those who broke upon their own initiative, but why are these people unable to accept the logically reasonable logic? There is only one truth: In these people’s minds, every time they recall their ex-boyfriends’ memories, they have been deliberately tampered with.
Yes, memories can be modified. The memories in our minds are the result of adding our subjective impressions. We saw this path, which triggered the association of our ex. In the association, our brain presents the scene of walking with our ex before because of reluctance and nostalgia.
So this scene makes you think: how beautiful your past was, you miss him very much, and you want to go back to the days when you were with him.
But the objective situation may not be the case. Also, on this road, you may have many quarrels or your so-called walk was not walking arm in arm at all. The fact may be that two people go home together while using mobile phones separately. If you have needs, your brain will naturally present the results you want.
So, the two most important points about our difficulty in abstaining from our ex are:
1. The current environment always makes us involuntarily associate with him.
2. These associations have been processed and beautified by us involuntarily, and we cannot extricate ourselves from being immersed in them.
So, what can you do?
let’s do an exercise, pick up a pen, and make a list.
The list title should be: Why he is not worthy of sadness, or why he doesn’t deserve me to waste my love.
Then list down all the points you can think of, for example, hair loss with bald potential, bad breath, snoring, etc.
You can also make a list of the points that make you unsatisfied in love, even if some small pieces seem to be less important in your experience.
Remember, the way to avoid self-blame is to attribute outward.
6. Understand the meaning of a breakup
When people are in the comfort zone, they don’t change themselves actively.
Only when you hit a wall, you think about whether your path method is wrong.
A wrong relationship often prompts us to find a purer self,
In the end, the person who walks the path of life hand in hand with you will also fall in love with you who have been reborn after suffering.
This is probably the wealth that the breakup brings to us, although it is painful.
7. Never Give Up Love
It must not be someone but a certain type of person that can make you feel loved and loved.
People often decide their emotions by what they imagine.
The same is true for the pain after breaking up. We fall in love with someone, and then we feel that it is him. He is “the one.”
He is gone, and then you feel that the sky is falling. The only person in the world, starting today, no longer loves himself and no longer belongs to himself. Then you cry, and said how you could live without him,
But have you ever thought that before you met him, in fact, he had been alive and alive all the time?
Wait until you are sad enough, wipe your tears, and get back the courage to see the outside world.
You only realize that when you open the world outward, the world is also opened for you.
You originally thought that the whole world was only rose. It turned out to be everywhere, and many of them were better than before, and they were all willing to be loved by you, and they were willing to love you.
You will choose a rose again and put your time and love into it. Since the last experience allowed you to sum up many failed experiences and lessons, you can cultivate this rose for a longer time. It will look more beautiful.
We hope you can get over a breakup quickly and regain the ability to love and be loved.
This post was all about how to get over someone you love after a breakup.