Looking for tips on how to know if he’s the one or not? Check this post for expert tips and what you can do to find the right one.
When we finally fall in love or are about to enter a marriage or want to break up but hesitate, we all need to answer the same question: Is he really the “right person”?
So in this post, we share how to know if he’s the one, what mistakes you should avoid, and the effective ways to find the right one.
4 Common Mistakes On How To Know If He’s The One
In fact, many people have a wrong understanding of the “right person.” If judged by these wrong standards, the results are likely to be inaccurate. Therefore, to make this topic clear, we must first clarify a few mistakes on finding the “right person”:
Mistake 1: My heart beats faster when I see him
Accelerated heartbeat will only happen in the early stages of the relationship because strong attraction and desire lead to a spike in hormones that speed up the heartbeat.
In a stable and long-term relationship, not only will the heartbeat not accelerate, but it will also slow down.
The heart rate of the two in a long-term relationship will gradually synchronize.
Therefore, the right person may not make your heart beat faster, but his and your heart may be beating at the same rhythm.
Mistake 2: We hardly quarreled.
On average, couples quarrel 2-3 times a week, and even between husband and wife, there are 1-2 quarrels a month.
Quarrel is the norm between partners. However, it does not mean that he is not the right person.
On the other hand, even if he doesn’t quarrel with you, it doesn’t mean he is the right person.
Mistake 3: He treats me very well and satisfies me with everything.
If a person satisfies all your needs, it is not a good relationship.
In such a relationship, equality and respect are lost between you.
The blind satisfaction of the other party may cause people to gradually lose their objective judgments on things and increase their dependence on each other.
In the long run, it is a kind of damage to personal growth.
Mistake 4: We have been together for a long time.
If a person is Mr. Right now, it does not mean that he will also be your Mr. Right in the future.
Everyone changes and develops.
In the long run, personal growth is a hidden threat to relationships.
For example, two people have been together for a long time, but each has changed. As they grow up, they get further away from each other, and they are no longer the right person.
So, how to know if he’s the one? →
4 Signs That He’s The Right One
1. You are emotionally stable and intimate in this relationship.
Randall (2015) pointed out that insecure attachment will reduce people’s sensitivity to discovering problems and objectivity in handling events and to deal with people and events in an anxious and avoidant manner.
On the contrary, secure attachment makes people feel accepted and supported, which can effectively promote emotional stability, that is, the feeling of being with the right person.
2. You will find that your adaptability to stress is significantly enhanced.
The existence of a good partner can have a “stress buffer” effect for us (Cohen & Wills, 1985).
One is to intervene in the stress-causing event itself, relieve stress by solving the problem.
The other is to intervene in anxiety to alleviate stress by relaxing emotions, such as getting angry.
Thus, your connection with your partner is effective social support that can resist stress.
3. Because of the nourishment of this relationship, you are full of hope in life.
With the right person, you have a more positive attitude towards your personal and life.
Conversely, research has found that partners who do not feel supported become more sensitive and prone to overreaction (for example, more easily angered by negative events).
As a result, their perception of the world will become increasingly negative and frustrated.
4. Because you are with each other, you become more aware of yourself and feel more and more complete.
Shaver & Mikulincer (2007) pointed out that important interpersonal relationships largely influence a person’s self-cognition in his life, and intimate relationships are at the core.
Therefore, with the right person, you will not be degraded and suppressed.
Instead, with the encouragement of the other party, you will be able to improve your self-cognition and gain personal growth gradually.
Conversely, a more active and stable person with self-awareness or a higher level of self-esteem is also more likely to develop an equal and healthy intimacy.
This is why people with low self-esteem sometimes repeatedly fall into relationships with the “wrong person.”
How To Know If He’s The One: Quiz & Checklist
Still don’t know how to tell if he’s the right one? Don’t worry. In addition to the feelings mentioned above, there are more practical ways to know if he is the right person.
1. How To Know If He’s The One: Behavioral Signals
In a 2002 study by Weigel, he proposed 10 main indicators related to relationship commitment and satisfaction. The more aspects your partner meets, the more likely he is the right person.
♥ Expressing affection, such as expressing love proactively
♥ Provide support, whether it is material or emotional support
♥ Maintain integrity in his words and manners, which shows the character of him
♥ Introduce you to his friends, let you integrate into his social circle
♥ Efforts to communicate with you based on the understanding of each other
♥ Express respect and be willing to treat each other with equality, importance, and dignity
♥ Plan the future together
♥ Create a positive relationship
♥ Solve the problems that arise in the relationship together
♥ Willing to make a promise
2. How To Know If He’s The One: Language Signals
Studies have found that the frequent appearance of specific words often means that a relationship has better quality (Robinson, et al., 2020).
So check if the following words appear in your relationship, which can help you tell whether he is the right person.
♥ Joint ownership words: For example, use “we” more often instead of “me.”
♥ Positive words: Use more words that express positive emotions, such as “I’m so happy.”
♥ Certainty words: There is a sense of certainty in speech, such as “I will see you on holiday” instead of “I may come to you on holiday.”
3. How To Know If He’s The One: Body Signals
When you are with the right person, your body will give corresponding signals.
When you are with the right person, the feeling of love will affect your whole body, and it will make you feel warm.
So, how to find the right person? Or do you feel that your partner does not seem to be the “right person”?
Here we give you the methods →
What should you do if you want to find the real “right person”?
To find the Mr./Mrs. Right, it would help if you worked hard instead of waiting. You can start practice from these 4 aspects:
Step1: List the bottom line of “I don’t want.”
The right person cannot perfectly satisfy all your needs in real life, but he will definitely not touch your bottom line.
If you want to find such a partner, you can list the things you “don’t want” on a piece of paper, and avoiding the wrong options will help you find the right person.
♥ Generic “Items I don’t want”: Some of the absolutely undesirable characteristics are common, such as violence, whether it is physical violence or emotional and psychological manipulation.
♥ Personal “Items I don’t want”: It varies from person to person. List some of the characteristics that you cannot accept personally: dislike cleanliness, discordant sex life, etc.
Step2: Repeatedly ask yourself “why,” strengthen awareness, and identify the right person
When we get along with a person, we can only make accurate choices and judgments if we are aware of our true feelings.
But most of the time, behavior and language do not fully represent real feelings.
For example, we may say, “I believe in you,” but we still have doubts in our hearts; sometimes we feel “disgusted with each other” because of some conflicts, but we regret it very much when we separate with them.
Emotional feelings and physical reactions are clues that help us deepen our awareness.
You can find the reason behind this by repeatedly asking yourself, “Why?”
Step3: Try the “Communication Checklist” to turn him into the right person
Most people measure whether a person loves themselves or not based on their own criteria.
They believe that “if you meet my need for love, you love me.”
However, there is an assumption behind this viewpoint: how both parties express love is the same. This is also called the illusion of sameness in psychology.
In fact, everyone’s habit of expressing love is different.
So the illusion of sameness may cause us to misunderstand each other and miss the right person.
If you want the other person to become the right person, you need to actively communicate with him and manage your relationship.
We have prepared a checklist for you (Dainton & Aylon, 2002):
♥ Give timely recognition. Give timely recognition of the other person’s achievements, emotions, and feelings, such as “I think you have done very well” and “I understand that you must be sad now.”
♥ Be honest and open. Don’t judge him according to your own standards, understand him with an open mind, and express your own opinions frankly.
♥ Negotiate the division of labor in daily life. Reach an agreement on the division of labor involved in life, such as finance and housework.
♥ Maintain a sense of faith. Take a positive view of the conflicts and quarrels in getting along, thinking of them as assistants to help you move towards a happy future.
♥ Respect each other’s personal space. You are the closest people, but it does not mean that you have to lose your personal space.
Step4: Cultivate genuine interest and maintain the “right relationship.”
As we mentioned before, everyone is in the process of change and development. In the long time to get along, many people will gradually feel that their love fades, and then they begin to doubt that their partner is no longer the right person.
If we hold this in mind, we will end up with the same result no matter who we meet.
In an intimate relationship, people need to cultivate a genuine interest in each other, which means that two people have curiosity about their partner’s inner world.
Even if life is the same, a partner with genuine interest will be curious about what the other person is experiencing today, what’s wrong with the other person, what’s his/her mood, etc.
Not only can it inject freshness into the relationship, but it also allows us to get to know each other deeply, grasp the right one, and maintain the right relationship.
In fact, the “right one” is not a destined thing but the result of the joint efforts of both parties.
Therefore, if you want to find the right person, you must know about love diversified and actively feel love and express love.
This post was all about how to know if he’s the one.